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From a bad dream to life

When you see nightmares, Itís relieving to wake up and realize it was all just a bad dream. There was a time in my life when waking up from a dream was not relieving, it was like a nightmare you couldnít escape.

I woke up to feel a pounding pain; I started the day, or whatever, depending on the time I woke up, with a new doze of a (deadly) poison. Drugs helped me forget reality, stand the pain caused by myself and my life, both of which I had lost a long time ago. The price of oblivion was too high, I knew I was walking towards destruction. I couldnít stop, it was not nice.

At the end of the road there was nothing: desperation, loneliness, death. But I saw something before my eyes. I saw a little boy without a father, alone, no one to take care of him, walking towards darkness, where there was no one.

I cried, I cried and I pleaded for help. If you exist, God or Jesus, help me!

I chose to recover. It was not easy. Finally I didnít have enough strength to fight back, I gave up. I was ready to quit drugs and accept my defeat.

Life without drugs was full of fear and struggling. But I was not all alone, I had support and friends. I started to see that there is God who can help me. Slowly I started to get strength to face things that I had escaped before. I existed.

But there was something missing. I fell ill, my health was poor and I had little strength. I didnít have love. I understood that only God can take care of my needs. I longed for God; my heart was empty, I felt pain and guilt, and I couldnít find peace inside of me.

When nearly three years had passed from the time I had last took some intoxicant, I decided to give my life to Jesus. My mind had become humble enough to hear the gospel of Jesus, and when I realized that I too could become Jesusí own, I took Him to my heart.

I knew then, that something had been fulfilled. I had gotten what I had longed for; peace, love and care. I found God, myself and life. I got something really good and stable under my feet.

Today I can be a father and take care of the very same boy whose face I saw before my eyes. I get to live a real life that is worth living. The nightmares are gone and I get to start my mornings together with my son praying morning prayers. I get to give thanks, serve and learn to know God better in my everyday life. Jesus is more important to me than anything and I know He will never forsake me. That helps me through even the hardest days. I can always trust God and learn to seek safety in Him.

In my heart I rejoice when I see people with drug dependence find real help for their problem and also purity and joy to their heart from a way of life based on Christian love. I myself want to support others and help them find a better future for their life.

Itís wonderful to get to recover and heal, by the grace of God, day by day and to grow towards the maturity and happy life that God has meant for all of us.

What is impossible to us, God makes possible through His Holy Ghost. When you are willing to let yourself be helped by God, and are also ready to work yourself to achieve goals, everything is possible, no matter who you are.

- Godís child saved, ex-junkie -


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